Bad Omen, One Way
TOPANGA, CAI was new in town. I didn’t know many people in Los Angeles. My cousin lives downtown and every year on July 4th he throws a rooftop party. The summer before I moved to the city, I met his friend, Stephanie at the party. She felt like a piece of New York in LA. She wore all black and understood the conversational patterning of going deeper and deeper with each sentence, ping-ponging back and forth until you’ve reached the core of what the other is saying.
In New York, conversation is sport - you have to keep your pace up. You have to maintain focus and attention or you won’t know what to say by the time it’s your turn to speak. In New York, conversations move like fish trying to find the bottom of the lake. In New York, you searched for golden treasure. A ruby amongst the rocks. In LA, you just sort of swim around topics and keep the meaning of how you feel, incoherently floating on the surface. Everyone just says stuff to pass the time, they don’t mean much by it in LA.
I liked that Stephanie could talk business. I liked that Stephanie was an artist who knew the art of how to sell, the type of learning that comes from a few years in New York. Stephanie’s the lead fashion designer for a famous celebrity but you’d never know it, that’s how smart she is.
Stephanie’s bold about her talents and it makes her work even bolder. She knew the value of taking a risk and the art of how to pull it off. Stephanie was inspired by everything. Stephanie wasn’t particular about what was good and that’s what made Stephanie great.
After the July 4th party, she invited me to dinner at her place on Palms Blvd in Venice. She’s a great cook with great taste in wine. In a more intimate setting, just the two of us, we dived even further. We talked about what we wanted out of life and gossiped about love, as young woman do. We shared stories and made the overwhelming feelings, feel okay. If words weren’t enough, we calmed each other by changing the subject to something empowering. We went back to discussing our great potential, as young woman do. We told each other what we thought was so great about one another. We passed confidence onto one another like boys and girls passing notes in class. We showed each other safety in conversation.
Together, Stephanie and I danced our way down to the bottom of our souls and came up for air when we needed a reminder of where we were going. We headed for the roots and sprouted a flower. One planted the seed, one watered. I could feel Stephanie’s nervousness around me, I could feel she’d lost some of her New Yorkness but I was happy to be a living reminder of the lives she lived before landing in Los Angeles.
I ended up moving to Los Angeles that December. I was to lead the west coast social business for the national account I worked on at my
advertising agency but by January my life was destablized - I found myself on the cutting board after a round of agency lay offs. I hadn’t just lost my income, I’d lost my faith in a right and just world. The societal shield, draped around me like a king’s cape was violently taken back. Everything started to change after I lost my job.
When I first arrived in December, Stephanie invited me to a yoga class and dinner with her friend, Rose. It felt like a first step in the integration of myself and Los Angeles. I love the practice of yoga but I’m not quite a yogi. I’ve never found the time to fit the classes into my regular schedule but I thought, maybe now that I live in LA, this could become a regular habit. I embarrassed myself in the class like I normally do. There’s just something about the audio instructions my mind can’t compute. I warned the girls, I’m a mess - the instructor says right foot extended, left hand in the air and my body does left foot in the air, right hand extended. On top of my typical hearing problem, I was fresh off the 10 day roadtrip and my body and mind were in knots.
We get through the class and walk to a dinner spot nearby, a casual health restaurant off 4th street and we talked about what we wanted out of life and gossiped about love, like young woman do. I told them about the british man I met through work who lived in the canyon. I pulled up pictures of him as I shared my girlish excitement about becoming friends with him now that I live in the same city. They tell me the canyon is full of trust fund baby’s who do mushrooms during the week day and I can start to feel the energy shifting. I’m starting to feel the uglyness of young woman shine through again. It’s not that I don’t believe what they’re saying, it’s what they’re choosing to say. They’re putting gloomy weather into something that hasn’t seen the sun rise yet. It’s what girls do, not women. I think to myself, oh I shouldn’t have said anything. I should’ve kept it to myself. But it’s in the air now.
I politely shift the subject back to Stephanie and ask about her mess. She had been dating a boy who was pushing her innocence sexually. She liked the experience when they were together but they were on a break now and her mind was tangled in the darkness. She was losing love and going crazy with the fear he was the last one she’d ever have. She was now emotionally parachuting without a harness. Her friend and I try to get her back to safety. We assure her, he’s not the ending but the end of him could be the start of someone knew. She’s not convinced.
The high of the initial friendship is starting to wear off and I’m beginning to notice things about Stephanie, I hadn’t seen before. It’s a natural occurence, we haven’t known each other long so it’s only normal with more inputs, more outputs arise. I don’t know it at the time but Stephanie would become one amongst a series of fall outs that happen after I’ve been laid off. Even as I write this today, I’m not sure what one had to with the other but it seems we live in a time where our social status is tied to our work title and the two together determine our worth and value amongst our social communities.
Our next encounter, a few weeks into January, would be the last time I saw Stephanie. The wound of my company’s ruthless nature was still so fresh, I hadn’t asked for any bandaids or helping hands. I was happily living on the brief 4 weeks of severance they gave me and the savings I’d accrued. Stephanie invited me to a sunset hike and a dinner grab in the canyon. I was nervous because I knew the british man I had a crush on lived in the canyon and the last thing I’d want to do is run into him in his neighbourhood. Not because I didn’t want to see him but because I wanted to see him on a date, not a surprise chance encounter. I thought about how bad it would be to see him there but Stephanie was persistent on the canyon location.
We had planned the evening a few days before, it was now the day of our girls date and I tried one last offering to meet in her Venice neighbourhood instead but she insisted she could make it to the canyon by 5pm for our hike. I didn’t have much to do and with a habit of being punctual even when I had a packed schedule - I arrived on canyon soil around 4:4Opm. I liked arriving with enough time to drive around and get a lay of the land. This was the first time I’d driven to the canyon. I texted Stephanie on my way over to check in on her status. In the wooded territory, I noticed the way my cell phone service went in and out as I curved around the winding roads, perusing the scenery.
At about 4:55pm, I heard from Stephanie. She apologised and told me she was wrapping up her final meeting. I thought about how my doubts had been true - there was no way she’d get from the office to the canyon by 5pm, not when you knew who she worked for. With nothing to do and at least a 45 minute wait ahead of me, I pulled into a parking lot off the main road and decided I’d smoke to ease my nerves that were building in two-fold now. The way my life works, I knew I was playing with fire.
My presence on earth is strong and if I ran into the british man tonight it wouldn’t be the first time god put a soulmate into my peripherals of synchronicities. It was more than just a crush, I knew the cosmic laws between the two of us. I knew we didn’t cross paths per chance, I knew it was for a mighty tall reason. I was playing with fire getting this close. I thought about how badly I wanted him to take me on a first date in my dream state, sitting idly in the parking lot, waiting for Stephanie.
My heart was starting to race against my mind and I decided a little movement would help so I backed out of my spot and drove up the nearest side street. That’s when the devil striked. I’d made a mistake. I’d turn right on a one way - I was out of place as a car barrelled down the proper way to drive down. A woman with hair as dark as the black skies was in the driver’s seat. It was no accident, the way she appeared as a witch, opposing me. She looked like a mad woman the way she took her arm and extended it with a violent pointing notion - screaming with her body movements.
She retracted her arm and extended it again, three times, making sure I knew the only way out was to go down the way I came and not through. As I reversed my car into the driveway on the one way street, she inched her black car towards my white car with every inch I took. Out of the way now, I motioned for her to pass through. She struck her lightning again, pointing me to go. It was more than just a motion, she was making a point. She made sure I knew I wasn’t welcome on the canyon. Not now, at least. Not while she had her eyes set on me.
I turned out of the driveway, she traveled behind me, an inch for an inch. When I made my way to the end of the side street I turned left, back into the parking lot, assuming she’d make a right out of it. As she did, I raise my phone and captured two images of her license plate. She behaved as though she was the mayor of the canyon, with license plates to match.
I felt a brush with black magic, danger, caution. My heart was racing three times as fast as it should be. I went back to a resting position in the parking lot. I checked my phone, Stephanie was still 2O minutes away. The sun was starting to set and with fear pulsating through my blood I told Stephanie we’d have to find another time.
I had read the signs of the bad omen, like black birds circling a spot in the sky - god had signaled it was time for me to go home that evening. I had flown too close to the flame of my heart’s desire and if I stepped another foot into the canyon, something worse would happen to the future of my love’s belief.
In New York, conversation is sport - you have to keep your pace up. You have to maintain focus and attention or you won’t know what to say by the time it’s your turn to speak. In New York, conversations move like fish trying to find the bottom of the lake. In New York, you searched for golden treasure. A ruby amongst the rocks. In LA, you just sort of swim around topics and keep the meaning of how you feel, incoherently floating on the surface. Everyone just says stuff to pass the time, they don’t mean much by it in LA.
I liked that Stephanie could talk business. I liked that Stephanie was an artist who knew the art of how to sell, the type of learning that comes from a few years in New York. Stephanie’s the lead fashion designer for a famous celebrity but you’d never know it, that’s how smart she is.
Stephanie’s bold about her talents and it makes her work even bolder. She knew the value of taking a risk and the art of how to pull it off. Stephanie was inspired by everything. Stephanie wasn’t particular about what was good and that’s what made Stephanie great.
After the July 4th party, she invited me to dinner at her place on Palms Blvd in Venice. She’s a great cook with great taste in wine. In a more intimate setting, just the two of us, we dived even further. We talked about what we wanted out of life and gossiped about love, as young woman do. We shared stories and made the overwhelming feelings, feel okay. If words weren’t enough, we calmed each other by changing the subject to something empowering. We went back to discussing our great potential, as young woman do. We told each other what we thought was so great about one another. We passed confidence onto one another like boys and girls passing notes in class. We showed each other safety in conversation.
Together, Stephanie and I danced our way down to the bottom of our souls and came up for air when we needed a reminder of where we were going. We headed for the roots and sprouted a flower. One planted the seed, one watered. I could feel Stephanie’s nervousness around me, I could feel she’d lost some of her New Yorkness but I was happy to be a living reminder of the lives she lived before landing in Los Angeles.
I ended up moving to Los Angeles that December. I was to lead the west coast social business for the national account I worked on at my
advertising agency but by January my life was destablized - I found myself on the cutting board after a round of agency lay offs. I hadn’t just lost my income, I’d lost my faith in a right and just world. The societal shield, draped around me like a king’s cape was violently taken back. Everything started to change after I lost my job.
When I first arrived in December, Stephanie invited me to a yoga class and dinner with her friend, Rose. It felt like a first step in the integration of myself and Los Angeles. I love the practice of yoga but I’m not quite a yogi. I’ve never found the time to fit the classes into my regular schedule but I thought, maybe now that I live in LA, this could become a regular habit. I embarrassed myself in the class like I normally do. There’s just something about the audio instructions my mind can’t compute. I warned the girls, I’m a mess - the instructor says right foot extended, left hand in the air and my body does left foot in the air, right hand extended. On top of my typical hearing problem, I was fresh off the 10 day roadtrip and my body and mind were in knots.
We get through the class and walk to a dinner spot nearby, a casual health restaurant off 4th street and we talked about what we wanted out of life and gossiped about love, like young woman do. I told them about the british man I met through work who lived in the canyon. I pulled up pictures of him as I shared my girlish excitement about becoming friends with him now that I live in the same city. They tell me the canyon is full of trust fund baby’s who do mushrooms during the week day and I can start to feel the energy shifting. I’m starting to feel the uglyness of young woman shine through again. It’s not that I don’t believe what they’re saying, it’s what they’re choosing to say. They’re putting gloomy weather into something that hasn’t seen the sun rise yet. It’s what girls do, not women. I think to myself, oh I shouldn’t have said anything. I should’ve kept it to myself. But it’s in the air now.
I politely shift the subject back to Stephanie and ask about her mess. She had been dating a boy who was pushing her innocence sexually. She liked the experience when they were together but they were on a break now and her mind was tangled in the darkness. She was losing love and going crazy with the fear he was the last one she’d ever have. She was now emotionally parachuting without a harness. Her friend and I try to get her back to safety. We assure her, he’s not the ending but the end of him could be the start of someone knew. She’s not convinced.
The high of the initial friendship is starting to wear off and I’m beginning to notice things about Stephanie, I hadn’t seen before. It’s a natural occurence, we haven’t known each other long so it’s only normal with more inputs, more outputs arise. I don’t know it at the time but Stephanie would become one amongst a series of fall outs that happen after I’ve been laid off. Even as I write this today, I’m not sure what one had to with the other but it seems we live in a time where our social status is tied to our work title and the two together determine our worth and value amongst our social communities.
Our next encounter, a few weeks into January, would be the last time I saw Stephanie. The wound of my company’s ruthless nature was still so fresh, I hadn’t asked for any bandaids or helping hands. I was happily living on the brief 4 weeks of severance they gave me and the savings I’d accrued. Stephanie invited me to a sunset hike and a dinner grab in the canyon. I was nervous because I knew the british man I had a crush on lived in the canyon and the last thing I’d want to do is run into him in his neighbourhood. Not because I didn’t want to see him but because I wanted to see him on a date, not a surprise chance encounter. I thought about how bad it would be to see him there but Stephanie was persistent on the canyon location.
We had planned the evening a few days before, it was now the day of our girls date and I tried one last offering to meet in her Venice neighbourhood instead but she insisted she could make it to the canyon by 5pm for our hike. I didn’t have much to do and with a habit of being punctual even when I had a packed schedule - I arrived on canyon soil around 4:4Opm. I liked arriving with enough time to drive around and get a lay of the land. This was the first time I’d driven to the canyon. I texted Stephanie on my way over to check in on her status. In the wooded territory, I noticed the way my cell phone service went in and out as I curved around the winding roads, perusing the scenery.
At about 4:55pm, I heard from Stephanie. She apologised and told me she was wrapping up her final meeting. I thought about how my doubts had been true - there was no way she’d get from the office to the canyon by 5pm, not when you knew who she worked for. With nothing to do and at least a 45 minute wait ahead of me, I pulled into a parking lot off the main road and decided I’d smoke to ease my nerves that were building in two-fold now. The way my life works, I knew I was playing with fire.
My presence on earth is strong and if I ran into the british man tonight it wouldn’t be the first time god put a soulmate into my peripherals of synchronicities. It was more than just a crush, I knew the cosmic laws between the two of us. I knew we didn’t cross paths per chance, I knew it was for a mighty tall reason. I was playing with fire getting this close. I thought about how badly I wanted him to take me on a first date in my dream state, sitting idly in the parking lot, waiting for Stephanie.
My heart was starting to race against my mind and I decided a little movement would help so I backed out of my spot and drove up the nearest side street. That’s when the devil striked. I’d made a mistake. I’d turn right on a one way - I was out of place as a car barrelled down the proper way to drive down. A woman with hair as dark as the black skies was in the driver’s seat. It was no accident, the way she appeared as a witch, opposing me. She looked like a mad woman the way she took her arm and extended it with a violent pointing notion - screaming with her body movements.
She retracted her arm and extended it again, three times, making sure I knew the only way out was to go down the way I came and not through. As I reversed my car into the driveway on the one way street, she inched her black car towards my white car with every inch I took. Out of the way now, I motioned for her to pass through. She struck her lightning again, pointing me to go. It was more than just a motion, she was making a point. She made sure I knew I wasn’t welcome on the canyon. Not now, at least. Not while she had her eyes set on me.
I turned out of the driveway, she traveled behind me, an inch for an inch. When I made my way to the end of the side street I turned left, back into the parking lot, assuming she’d make a right out of it. As she did, I raise my phone and captured two images of her license plate. She behaved as though she was the mayor of the canyon, with license plates to match.
I felt a brush with black magic, danger, caution. My heart was racing three times as fast as it should be. I went back to a resting position in the parking lot. I checked my phone, Stephanie was still 2O minutes away. The sun was starting to set and with fear pulsating through my blood I told Stephanie we’d have to find another time.
I had read the signs of the bad omen, like black birds circling a spot in the sky - god had signaled it was time for me to go home that evening. I had flown too close to the flame of my heart’s desire and if I stepped another foot into the canyon, something worse would happen to the future of my love’s belief.